


Terribly Damaged

by CarnivalofBrokenDolls (yourrhinestoneeyes)



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Cannibalism, Child Death, Depression, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, episode 9 based fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 17:59:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourrhinestoneeyes/pseuds/CarnivalofBrokenDolls
Summary: Oswald is having a difficult time coping with what happened at the dinner that Pyg interrupted, Sofia is wishing he would just let her in.





	1. Chapter 1

Oswald sat on the sofa with Sofia, the woman was curled up against his side, her face buried in her hands as she sobbed, body trembling. He kept an arm wrapped around her shoulders, his hand rubbing her arm in a soothing motion. He heard himself speaking, his voice muffled to his own ears as he told her it was okay, that they would find Pyg, and arrest him, if the cops didn’t find him then he sure as Hell would. He told her nobody would hurt her now, she was okay, they were okay. His words were soft, his voice shaky. He didn’t even believe the words he was speaking to her, he despised himself for spewing lies to her, blatant lies that lacked a sense of meaning. 

Gordon approached the two of them, a solemn look on his face as he stared down at them. Normally Oswald would find himself defensive, sarcastic, and rude even, but he didn’t have it in him. Most of the questions he had were for Sofia, she managed to compose herself long enough to answer to the best of her ability, her eyes constantly darting back to Oswald as if to assure herself he was still by her side. He found himself looking at her bandaged hand, he watched as she ran her fingers nervously over the bandages. He realized that he’d never seen her this way before, he’d never seen her in true pain, or seen her lose herself in such a way. He realized he despised it.

He was thankful that Jim kept the questions short, softly assuring her she didn’t have to answer a few of them that he knew might be too much for the moment. She smiled sadly and thanked him, thanked him for saving their lives. Oswald found himself forcing a small tight-lipped smile as he looked up at the police captain, found himself realizing Sofia would have died if he hadn’t arrived. 

“Okay, bring it this way.” A man called out as he moved towards the open front door of the mansion.

Oswald watched as a paramedic wheeled a stretcher towards the door, a child sized body bag laying on its surface. Sofia let out a choked sob and Oswald quickly turned his head away closing his eyes, he felt a pain in his chest seeing the black bag and knowing that Martin was inside.


	2. Chapter 2

Oswald sat on the loveseat by the fireplace, a bottle of whiskey clutched tightly in his hand. He brought the bottle up to his lips taking a long drink from it, his eyes closing tightly as he felt the liquor burn down his throat. In his mind that dinner seven nights ago replayed in his mind. Over and over Sofia’s screams of pain echoed in his brain, the wide-eyed look of horror on Martin’s face as Pyg drew the knife across his tiny throat. All of it played on a constant loop, forever haunting him. 

 

‘” If I eat this you’ll let him go, right?” Oswald shouted at the man at the head of the table, the man with the meat cleaver pressed to Martin’s throat. The boy’s eyes were trained on him, a confused pleading look. 

Pyg tilted his head to the side, an amused smile played on his lips as he looked at Oswald. “Yes, that would be the deal we made.”

Oswald looked down at the pie on the plate in front of him, the food was so unassuming until he looked at the polaroid picture that accompanied it, a photograph of the person he was soon to be devouring.’

 

He startled when his phone began vibrating. He sat the bottle to the side, he grabbed the phone up from the coffee table and looked at the name on the small screen. It was another call from Sofia, the fifth one from today alone, and possibly the billionth in the past few days. He flipped his phone open long enough to decline the call, he tossed his phone back onto the coffee table, and reached for the bottle once more. He had hoped she would get the hint that he didn’t want to talk to her, that he no longer wanted to see her. He hoped that she would assume him to be an asshole, that he was done with her, but she seemed to be the persistent type and he hated her for that. He hated himself for missing her, for growing so attached to her, for falling in love with her.

He closed his eyes tightly thinking about their conversation before the dinner, he had confronted her about his paranoias. She had admitted to him that she had been the reason Jim got promoted to captain of the GCPD, she had told him that it would benefit them greatly if they could influence Jim to be more lenient with the two of them, to help them out. He had been on edge, so ready to just kill her right there in her living room, but she had been calm. She had looked at him with loving eyes, her hand gently rubbing his shoulder then over his chest, he had felt his heart skip a beat as she touched him. He had apologized to her, he had felt like such a self-centered bastard assuming she was like Ed. She had smiled, kissed his cheek, and told him he had no need to apologize to her. He’d nearly cried having her be so sweet.

He'd been so certain the night would go well. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, tears rolled down his cheeks as all the emotions hit him again. He dropped the bottle to the floor, he buried his face in his hands then started to cry.

 

‘Once Pyg turned his attention to others at the table, his grand speech commencing once more Oswald turned his attention to Sofia. She held her hand against her chest, her screams of pain now diminished to whimpers as she stared down at the still bleeding wound. Oswald scooted closer to her, he grabbed the cloth napkin from the table and gently took hold of her wrist. She looked at him with scared tear filled eyes.

“Shh it’s okay, it’s going to be okay. Here, I h-havve to wrap this, to stop the bleeding.” He whispered to her, his tone gentle almost reminding himself of the way his mother used to speak to him when he would come home bleeding and bruised after a day of school.

Sofia allowed him to take her hand, to look at the wound that pierced straight through her delicate hand. Carefully he wrapped the napkin around it, he tied the ends pulling it tight, but not too tightly. He continued to hold onto her hand, his fingers caressing the napkin.

“We’ll get out of this, I swear to you. The three of us are going to be okay.” 

“I trust you, Oswald.” She whispered.’

 

He wondered if she hated him for breaking his word, for breaking her trust. He’d done his best to get them out of there, he’d had no weapons. If he had tried anything then Pyg would have gouged out her eyes or slit Martin’s throat, he easily could have murdered them both before he could have reached the grimy bastard to begin with. The thought filled him with rage, he knew if he saw her then all those feelings would hit him harder than they already were.

Again, his phone started to buzz, he watched as it vibrated across the table. Right as it stopped he heard knocking on the front door. Even in his buzzed state of mind he could already guess who it was. 

Carefully he pulled himself up from the sofa, he made his way to the front door stumbling and nearly falling twice. He paused at the door leaning his forehead against its wooden surface, still she continued knocking, more frantically now as if the lack of an answer was scaring her.

“Okay I’m opening the damn door!” He shouted. Immediately the knocking stopped. He stepped back and pulled open the door, Sofia stood on the other side wearing one of her countless black dresses, her face devoid of makeup, her eyes were red and puffy. He wondered if she had ever really stopped crying, the thought hurt him.

“Hello, Oswald. I’ve been trying to call you all morning, but you weren’t answering.” She spoke softly, she averted her eyes choosing instead to look towards the ground. 

“I’ve been busy, what do you want?”

She looked back up at him, “Martin’s funeral is today, I was on my way there, and I figured…I figured that you might want to accompany me.” There was a pleading look in her eyes, tears filling them waiting to fall at any second.

He knew if he declined she would cry, she might even think he’s cold hearted and begin to hate him if she already didn’t. He knew he should turn her away, the thought of attending another funeral made him physically ill, especially a funeral for a child. 

“Just, just give me a moment to get dressed. I’ll be down in a minute.”


	3. Chapter 3

They rode in relative silence. Two minutes into the drive and it had started pouring rain. Oswald watched the buildings passing by, watched the people scurrying through the streets like rats. He jumped when Sofia placed her hand on his arm, he looked down seeing the bandage wrapped around her hand.

“Sorry.” He apologized quietly, he met her eyes offering her a small smile.

“Thank you again for coming with me.” 

“I figure it’s the right thing to do.” 

 

‘Oswald watched in horror as Pyg drew the knife across Martin’s throat. The boy’s eyes were wide, pain and fear filling them as he stared at Oswald. His mouth gaped open, a soundless scream as the blood poured from the wound. Oswald rushed to him, he caught the boy before his body hit the floor. He placed his hand over the gushing wound, tears filled his eyes as he looked down at the boy.

“Martin stay with me, keep your eyes open. Please don’t….Come on, you can’t die, please.” 

“Oops”

He glared up at Pyg, the man stood over him smiling. He felt a hand on top of his, he looked down to see Martin grabbing at his wrist. He forced a smile as he looked down at the boy, he continued to tell him it was okay, his voice shaky and breaking as he told him they would get him out of here, that everything was going to be alright now. He told him that until he felt the body he held in his arms go limp, the boy’s warm hand falling limply to the floor. Oswald pulled the body close against his chest cradling him, he screamed, over his own screams of rage and anguish he could hear Pyg’s bellowing laughter. 

He looked back up to the man. “You told me that if I ate it then you wouldn’t kill him, it was a deal!”

“My, my, my you think I would actually make a deal with a criminal?” He broke into more laughter, Oswald could hear Sofia sobbing behind him.’

 

The funeral was small, which was to be expected. Sofia stood by his side, he found himself wrapping an arm around her waist just holding her, silently letting her know that he was there for her. He looked around at the other mourners, he noticed a few workers from the orphanage, he noticed women who attended funerals for those who had no families, and finally he recognized an older couple that had been at the fated dinner a few nights back. The husband held his wife close against him, they both looked at the coffin, remorse etched onto their features. 

Oswald fought the urge to drink, he wished so badly to be in the dark safety of his home with his supply of liquor. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be attending another funeral for another person who died in his arms. He quietly cried as he stared at the coffin, he couldn’t shake the memories of Martin’s death from his mind, and realizing that boy’s tiny body was in that wooden box made him sick. It all felt like a horrid dream, it reminded him too much of his father’s funeral, that sickening empty feeling like what was happening wasn’t truly happening. That at any second things could return to normal, that he could wake up and his father was alive, his mother too. He knew he’d happily take his own life if it meant bringing back the ones who died because of him, if he could bring them all back then he would.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, when he opened his eyes again he was still at the funeral. Still he was watching a child’s coffin being lowered into the cold ground. He backed away from Sofia, she looked at him confused and hurt as she watched him moving away from her.

“I can’t do this.” He weakly stated before turning and walking away from her, he was grateful that she didn’t follow.


	4. Chapter 4

He spent another two days drinking. His days becoming a blur between the Lounge and his home, he found himself passing out on his sofa still mostly dressed, and with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. He was startled awake when he felt somebody touching his face, the touch gentle and warm, the scent of perfume hit his nostrils and his body relaxed as he realized who the intruder was. He opened his eyes to see Sofia, she knelt on the floor next to him, a look of concern on her face.

“Why are you here?” He asked her, voice raspy.

“Why did you run off?” Her tone was gentle, she continued caressing his cheek, her touch welcoming despite how much emotional pain it caused him.

“I apologize for that, it was wrong of me to just leave you there.”

He had considered calling and apologizing, even explaining why he left, but by the time that idea had struck him he had been drunk.

“You’re forgiven, but I have been worried about you. I wish you would talk to me.”

Oswald gently pushed her hand away. He carefully pulled himself into a sitting position, he patted the seat next to him on the sofa. She got up from the floor and sat next to him keeping just the slightest bit of distance between them, he watched as she picked at the bandage on her hand.

He reached out taking hold of her injured hand, he ran his fingers along the bandages covering her palm.

“How’s your hand?” He quietly asked.

“It’s doing okay, it just aches every now and again when I try to use it too much. They say the stitches should be coming out soon, but I’ll have a scar.”

He brought her hand up to his lips kissing the back of it. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault this happened. All of this is my fault.” He confessed, his voice cracking as he spoke.

She furrowed her brow in confusion, she placed her hand against his cheek. “What, no this isn’t your fault. Oswald, you can’t blame yourself for what Pyg did to me, for what he did to Martin.”

“Yes, I can and I have been, I should have been better prepared. I didn’t have a weapon on me, not a single damned one. I just sat there like an idiot and watched him hurt you, watched him kill Martin. I ate a person, just some random helpless person that that sick freak murdered.” Tears filled his eyes, he turned his head looking away from her.

“Oswald, you did what you had to do.”

“I told you, I told him that everything would be alright. I held him and told him everything was going to be okay.”

She placed a hand on his shoulder, she let out a sound of surprise when he smacked her hand away.

“Don’t, just don’t. I can’t do this, I can’t do that again. Being at Martin’s funeral, seeing his casket it just reminded me of being at my father’s funeral….I can’t do this anymore, I can’t hold people I care about while they die violently. I can’t.” He broke down sobbing burying his face in his hands. 

Cautiously she wrapped her arm around his shoulders pulling his body against her. This time he found himself curling up against her, he wrapped his arm around her waist and hid his face against her chest as he cried. She stroked her fingers through his soft messy black and purple hair.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to go with me, I didn’t know, you didn’t have to go. Truthfully, I was too scared to go by myself and I had missed seeing you, I had been so worried about you.”

He pulled back to look at her. “I needed to go to his funeral, I wouldn’t have felt right if I hadn’t gone. That kid trusted me, he thought of me as a friend, and I just kept shutting him down every time.” He smiled sadly as he thought about it for a moment. “It’s the same thing that I do with you, I’m sorry. I…I have been quite horrible to you ever since you came to Gotham, you don’t deserve that.”

She brushed the tears from his cheeks with her thumb, she smiled softly at him. “Martin looked up to you, he knew you did your best to save him. Please don’t beat yourself up over what happened, you did everything you could in that situation. As for us….I’m not mad at you, I know that you’ve been through absolute Hell and I keep forgetting about some of what you’ve gone through. I promise that I’ll be more open with you, I should have told you about Jim, but I knew if I flat out told you then you would only be angry. I just so badly want you to trust me, to just let me in, I’m willing to do whatever it takes for you to realize I care for you.” She caressed his cheek, her touch light and loving.

“Sofia there’s, there’s something I had wanted to tell you that night. It was something I wanted to talk to you about after the dinner, but obviously that hadn’t happened.” He paused feeling anxious. She looked at him waiting, he could tell that in a way she was as nervous as he was. “Sofia, I…I lost so many people, people that I loved, and I can’t go through that again. After having Martin die I just shut down, I so badly wanted to be there for you, I’m a complete asshole for just making you be alone after what Pyg did. I just knew I couldn’t be near you, because I-I love you. I love you so much and it hurts like Hell, after nearly losing you I couldn’t do it. I know if you died it would destroy me.”

She was silent for a moment, she just looked at him wide-eyed before finally responding. “I love you too Oswald. I thought when you weren’t answering my calls that you were angry or that you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I missed you so much, I promise that you won’t lose me.”

Carefully he stroked his fingers through her hair, he leaned in closer to her until their lips were nearly touching. “I don’t ever want to lose you Sofia, I just need you here with me.”

“I’m all yours, I promise.” She whispered.

He closed the space between them pressing his lips to hers in a long gentle kiss. His fingers stroked along her jaw as they kissed. He felt terrified yet happy, he felt as if she was signing her death wish by kissing him, by telling him she was in love with him, but he was too greedy to just let her walk back out that door. He knew if he spent one more moment alone he would drink himself to death. When the kiss ended she smiled at him, her eyes full of light and love as she looked at him, he felt himself genuinely smiling for the first time in weeks as he again whispered he loved her.


End file.
